Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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