I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize