Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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