It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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