So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
