I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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