grandma shit on top of the toilet
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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