He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
