Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
