First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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