i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
