ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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