Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
