went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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