On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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