If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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