Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize