he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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