i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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