So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
