Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
