How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
