Don't make out with my wife yet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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