Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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