I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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