On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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