So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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