At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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