I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You may now shotgun with the bride
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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