The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
