I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
