She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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