i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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