Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize