i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
