im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
did i walk over a car last night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
