Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
