It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
