I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
