I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
