You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
