You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
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Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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