It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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