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really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize