college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
