We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
only you would photoshop your dick
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
