Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
