Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
