Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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