Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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