He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
