I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
two words: eviction party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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