so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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