I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
