He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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