Pants 0. Shit 1.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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