dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
