The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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